Every Thursday is Ask the Nag, where I answer questions from my inbox.

Question:

Dear Nag,

I have three unpleasant tasks: I need to sever an independent contractor relationship, tell another practitioner I don’t want her to work at my center and a third one that I don’t have the space for her I once did. I don’t want to do any of that, mainly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I don’t like confrontation.  Time is running out though! Any advice?

Answer:

Dear Running Out of Time,

Good to know you’re a warm hearted human who’s not a fan of hurting other peoples feelings. I’ll offer thoughts from the ProNagger perspective and perhaps you’ll also get some thoughts form others who have had to deal with a similar situation. I’m not going to tell you to “just do it.” Given the importance of these three tasks, I figure if you could have done them already you would have. It’s hard to “just do” something when it’s scary to do. What’ I’m gong to suggest you do is prepare, gather support and THEN do it.

1. If you’re really feeling uneasy, I would try doing a “brain dump” first. For each issue, spend 30 seconds writing down bullet points of everything that’s bumping around in your head about the situation. Everything, big or small…From “I don’t know what I should wear” to what if they take me to court.” Then…

2. For each brain dump item, find  an action step. Again this should take very little time. Figure out what you can DO in relation to each bulleted point. Like, “spend 15 minutes picking out an outfit” and “find attorneys phone number.” Knowing what you can do will start to quiet the fear and help you move forward.

3. Decide how and when you will do each task.

4. Get very clear about why you have decided to sever the relationship with the independent contractor, and so on. This does not mean you’re the ice person, you can be very empathetic to the other persons feelings, just remain clear about your purpose.

5. Know what you’ll say and even practice it. Even if the conversation does not go as planned you will be warmed-up.

6. Find a trusted friend or group of people that have your back. You can let us know you’re off to do the big scary on The Daily Nag and we’ll be there to cheer you on each step of the way. You can use ProNagger’s Bookending Chat (anonymously if that’s more comfortable) and “bookend” your tasks. Open a bookend by saying your off to have a conversation you have some nerves about. Then go have the conversation. Then come back and close the bookend by saying you did it.

7. Bookend with a friend the same way, call them, say “I’m going in” and as soon as you’re done call them back and de-brief.

8. Ask a Nag for some support. I would gladly be part of your cheering squad! Ask me about my Nano-nagging services which is set-up for your kind of situation.

So…brain dump, action out the brain dump, calendar commit, get clear, practice, get support, get pasts on the back for getting through something not so fun to get through!

I look forward to getting your updates and hearing about your successes.

Would you like to Ask the Nag a question? Ask using the Contact Form, by visiting The Daily Nag or if you prefer, anonymously at Formspring.